There is great fun to be enjoyed in a friendly game of football. Every year at our church's annual picnic "the dinosaurs" (anyone above 25 in my opinion) come out of retirement and relive our glory days. We kill the grass and move the ball around the field. I often wonder what the children think as they observe their 40 year old moms trying to get open to make a touchdown. It breeds a friendly sense of competition that says "I can still catch a hail Mary." It's actually quite laughable as we spend the evening with Icy Hot and Motrin as our companions.
Competition can be friendly on the field, but off the field it can be a deadly poison. It rears its head in our lives as women in many forms. It rivals love and chokes friendships in their infancy. You've seen the "quiet" battle before. It is quiet indeed, filled with the artillery of words and assumptions. It negates love and esteems self. With it we conquer one another and lift ourselves up.
Have you seen this play out? Julie is a nice girl at church. She and Joan have been friends for a short time and have shared some good laughs. They instantly clicked; They have chemistry and kindred spirits. Their opinions are similar, they "get" one another. Their growing friendship is obvious to those around. Until one day Joan noticed Julie starting to lose weight. She inquired about what she was doing? After all, their camaraderie was partly based on a mutual cynicism about being "shapely" girls and a quiet disdain for "skinny" women. Julie began a diatribe about the perils of processed foods and how she and Marty have cleaned out their cabinets and only been eating what grows out of the ground! After all, isn't that the way Jesus ate? Joan is instantly offended.
Kylie and Emily lead the MOPS group at church for moms with young kids. They both have strong personalities and a love for God. They have enjoyed their times and cherished one another. But they felt their season at MOPS was coming to an end as their sons were now approaching school age. As Emily and Mike sought the Lord about school for their son they caught the "Homeschool fire." You've seen it before A mom reads a book or goes to a seminar and something happens. The homeschool gospel took root and she was "saved." The problem is that Kylie and Jake (who are just as godly) feel the conviction that the neighborhood school is where their son belongs so he can be a witness and learn to live in the "real" world. Both women have make valid points. But can their friendship survive their differing points of view and the use of language like "the real world" and "home is where real learning happens."
We have differing opinions about so many things that fracture us. We quietly prefer ourselves as we make choices about:
music styles
school choices
home birth or elected c-section
organic, veganism or Shoppers Food Warehouse
choices of entertainment for our kids
exercise buff or couch potato
natural hair or relaxed
worship with arms held high or quiet worship
Bible in book form or electronic
and on and on and on....
It's so easy to use verbiage and conversation that builds ourselves up and puts down those that choose something different. It is the opposite of love. It is the opposite of esteeming another person as more important than myself. Philippians 2:3 NASB
So how do I love? How do I walk into a room and build instead of tearing down. The key word in the verse above is OTHERS. Putting on the mind of Christ who was immensely concerned with others. He did not count his own life dear to Himself. This is diametrically opposed to our fallen nature which says "choose me, prefer me, admire me." Even the meekest of people have to consciously put others before themselves. True friendship will not only esteem others but suffer long with a friend who is esteeming herself.
Think about it and spend time in prayer. When people are around me do they sense my focus on their well being or my self promotion? (Be careful with this question because even self pity can be a form of self promotion)
